Originally Published in Headstuff.
I am 12 years old buying sweets in the local newsagent with my two friends. A man, older, maybe 50, in the queue behind us grazes his hand off my back and leaves it there with gentle pressure. Like it’s an accident but too certain of itself to be one. I keep my eyes on the sweets, flicking around the flurries of colour jumping out at me, urgently organising my thoughts around getting the most value for the one single pound coin I have to spend. An ice-pop or a hundred penny sweets? It’d be cool…
Last Summer I found out that the artist, and my favourite first year NCAD tutor, James O’Nolan, died at 65. He was a gentle and funny man with sparkly eyes and the moment I first saw him I knew we were going to get on. Hearing that he had died, so young and so suddenly, held my heart in a tight painful grasp for many days.
I hadn’t seen him in over ten years and the grief I felt unsettled me in a surprising way. It was because he, in his unique and seemingly ego-less way of being, reflected me…
I watched ‘Doing Money’ on RTE 1 last week with trepidation. Trepidation, because due to years of immersion in the subject of sexual violence and exploitation I was aware of most of what was to come.
“Doing Money” is based on a memoir — “Slave” — of a Romanian woman called “Ana” who was kidnapped by a gang off her London street and trafficked to Ireland, where she was raped by thousands of Irish men all over the country over the course of nine months before managing to escape. The pimps subjected her to beatings, rapes, and threats to her…
Mike Tyson is a Rapist.
It is bad enough, as a woman, to know of many, many rapists who are living their best lives and not being held accountable for their crimes. I know several of these men, and there’s nothing I can do about it. Throughout organisations, workplaces and so on, there are whisper networks between women about who is a rapist, who assaulted someone. But nothing can be done to actually hold these men accountable if they have not been convicted for their crime. We have to watch them being friends, or becoming friends (which is somehow more…
I am referencing your response to a young woman which was published in the Sunday Independent on the 19th of August.
I have no doubt that you had good intentions and meant well.
But as a therapist, I feel beyond angry with your inadequate and, in my view, unethical and irresponsible response.
As a rape victim, I feel beyond insulted.
I read and re-read your opening paragraph in which you ignore what the woman says to you. She writes:
“I ended up in his bed and woke a few times to find him on top of me.
I realised he…
How working with a male led campaign White Ribbon Ireland mirrored an emotionally abusive relationship.
I am reluctant to write this. It is a long time coming. It needs to be said. It isn’t a take-down or a revenge move. I am only speaking to my own experience and no one else’s. And it’s a long story, so you have been warned.
The problem with my experience with a male led campaign to end male violence against women - ‘White Ribbon Ireland’ — was that it replicated many aspects of an abusive relationship, structurally and personally. …
This is the transcript of a TEDx talk I gave with Griffith College on the 31st March 2017. The theme of the talks were ‘going beyond (your) fear’ and I spent some time thinking about this in the context of social change. I wanted to use this platform as well as I could, to use it for the most urgent message. My biggest fear in the area of activism in which I work is the silence of non abusive men regarding sexual violence against women. …
Originally published on Headstuff.org
I’m watching a “casting couch” porn video called “Latina Painal.”
FYI ‘painal’ = painful anal. It’s a massive genre (23,741 results in free-to-access Porntube).
The casting couch thing is also a huge genre. There are 9,736 casting couch videos on Porntube, 1,028 on Pornhub, and 722 on YouPorn. A still from the room of the most well known production company ‘Backstage Casting Couch’ has been made into a mainstream meme.
The premise is an ‘interview’ for ‘adult modelling,’ or in some cases, just ‘modelling.’ Women ranging in ages from 18 to early 20s usually feature.
Originally published on Headstuff.org
We need to talk about porn. We need to have a comprehensive conversation on the complex, contentious, divisive thing that is porn. What is not needed is relegating porn to something between children and their guardians, or something for teachers to deal with. It affects all of us, whether we like it or not. We all have a responsiblity to be part of this conversation, even if we are not using it. It is huge, and soundbites and one liners will never put a tidy lid on this sprawling mess.
Also published on Headstuff.org
I am not one for writing open letters to journalists but here I am in reference to your piece “Count the shades of grey between seduction and violation”.
Pause for thought. Really. Okay.
Intoxicated: (of alcoholic drink or a drug) cause (someone) to lose control of their faculties or…
Writer // Therapist