Last Summer I found out that the artist, and my favourite first year NCAD tutor, James O’Nolan, died at 65. He was a gentle and funny man with sparkly eyes and the moment I first saw him I knew we were going to get on. Hearing that he had died, so young and so suddenly, held my heart in a tight painful grasp for many days.
I hadn’t seen him in over ten years and the grief I felt unsettled me in a surprising way. It was because he, in his unique and seemingly ego-less way of being, reflected me…
I watched ‘Doing Money’ on RTE 1 last week with trepidation. Trepidation, because due to years of immersion in the subject of sexual violence and exploitation I was aware of most of what was to come.
“Doing Money” is based on a memoir — “Slave” — of a Romanian woman called “Ana” who was kidnapped by a gang off her London street and trafficked to Ireland, where she was raped by thousands of Irish men all over the country over the course of nine months before managing to escape. The pimps subjected her to beatings, rapes, and threats to her…
Mike Tyson is a Rapist.
It is bad enough, as a woman, to know of many, many rapists who are living their best lives and not being held accountable for their crimes. I know several of these men, and there’s nothing I can do about it. Throughout organisations, workplaces and so on, there are whisper networks between women about who is a rapist, who assaulted someone. But nothing can be done to actually hold these men accountable if they have not been convicted for their crime. We have to watch them being friends, or becoming friends (which is somehow more…
I am referencing your response to a young woman which was published in the Sunday Independent on the 19th of August.
I have no doubt that you had good intentions and meant well.
But as a therapist, I feel beyond angry with your inadequate and, in my view, unethical and irresponsible response.
As a rape victim, I feel beyond insulted.
I read and re-read your opening paragraph in which you ignore what the woman says to you. She writes:
“I ended up in his bed and woke a few times to find him on top of me.
I realised he…
How working with a male led campaign White Ribbon Ireland mirrored an emotionally abusive relationship.
I am reluctant to write this. It is a long time coming. It needs to be said. It isn’t a take-down or a revenge move. I am only speaking to my own experience and no one else’s. And it’s a long story, so you have been warned.
The problem with my experience with a male led campaign to end male violence against women - ‘White Ribbon Ireland’ — was that it replicated many aspects of an abusive relationship, structurally and personally. …
Originally published on Headstuff.org
I’m watching a “casting couch” porn video called “Latina Painal.”
FYI ‘painal’ = painful anal. It’s a massive genre (23,741 results in free-to-access Porntube).
The casting couch thing is also a huge genre. There are 9,736 casting couch videos on Porntube, 1,028 on Pornhub, and 722 on YouPorn. A still from the room of the most well known production company ‘Backstage Casting Couch’ has been made into a mainstream meme.
The premise is an ‘interview’ for ‘adult modelling,’ or in some cases, just ‘modelling.’ Women ranging in ages from 18 to early 20s usually feature.
Originally published on Headstuff.org
We need to talk about porn. We need to have a comprehensive conversation on the complex, contentious, divisive thing that is porn. What is not needed is relegating porn to something between children and their guardians, or something for teachers to deal with. It affects all of us, whether we like it or not. We all have a responsiblity to be part of this conversation, even if we are not using it. It is huge, and soundbites and one liners will never put a tidy lid on this sprawling mess.
Originally published in the Huffington Post.
I got groped in a bar last week, one of those ‘accidental’ gropes where you only realise what is going on too late, where the groper has enjoyed himself for several minutes already. I am 32 and I am so tired of this happening. I am so tired of my now routine reaction; my tired realisation, my tired turnaround to confront, my tired push, or slap, or elbow, my tired angry face. I am so tired.
Every single one of my female friends has told me these stories. It is so common that we…
Originally published in Headstuff.
‘Who is going to complain about rape jokes? Rape victims? They barely even report rape.’
- Sarah Silverman
I agree with comedian George Carlin, who said that ‘anything can be funny, it all depends on how you construct the joke’. Another comedian, Daniel Tosh, made an attempt at a joke at a gig in 2012, that scared the woman he targeted. This was his joke: “Wouldn’t it be funny if that girl got raped by like, five guys, right now? Like right now? What if a bunch of guys just raped her…” He stunned her into…
Originally published in TheJournal.ie
Violence against women is an area that is supported and tolerated in our culture in various ways — tiny reportage rates, even tinier conviction rates, stereotyping of both victim and perpetrator, massive difficulties in obtaining barring orders, victim blaming, meagre sentences, or suspended sentences, donations instead of convictions, stigma, shaming, disbelieving, humiliating or silencing victims — the list goes on.
None of us is a perfect human being and we all fall prey to our unconscious prejudices and biases that we absorb from our environment. The key is to bring awareness to these assumptions, and challenge…